Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

Anger Is Good?

on August 27, 2015
image courtesy of ohmega1982/freedigitalphotos.net

image courtesy of ohmega1982/freedigitalphotos.net

When I slowed down over the weekend and made time to be still, to think, it became very obvious to me that I have a lot of anger in my heart these days. Mostly I have been angry with God. For me, anger is more a cover emotion than a mirror of what is actually going on on the inside. When I probed a little more, it became clear that my anger was covering my fear. That I am afraid about my uncertain next steps, about my uncertain financial future, about my uncertain aspirations to love a man and be loved in return.

Generally, I am afraid about the goodness of my future.

Since I had this realization I have been speaking back to the lies of potential doom that have been playing in the background of my mind. I have reminded myself that the One who began a good work in me will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. That God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. That no one who hopes in the Lord will ever be put to shame. That I will surely see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. That I must wait on the Lord.

More importantly, I acknowledged that I need God’s help to see God rightly. A part of me is afraid that God will not act lovingly towards me. He might fail to provide for me. He might refrain from helping me. He might lead me into degradation and despair. He might not care about my sorrow.

The journey of singleness has left a bitter taste, it seems.

I need God’s help to see God as God is, and not in the image that the lenses over my eyes distort Him into.

The truth is that God has been more faithful to me than the most faithful friend on earth could ever be. I posted recently about an opportunity to teach that appeared and disappeared in a perplexing flash. The disappointment caused me to wonder if God was being withholding and capricious. “It’a just like my love life,” I thought, “I never get what I want from God.” But the idea of a capricious, withholding God is a lie. The truth is that God was not withholding a good thing with that job, but was giving me a glimpse of a good thing that may come, at the right time. God was reminding me that He holds my future opportunities in His hands. That door to possibly teach opened because of connections I made with people who the Spirit randomly connected me to at a friend’s church. I was visiting the friend’s church because my sense was that the invitation to visit was a God thing. So God led me to go to a church, where He then orchestrated a meeting with like-minded people, which weeks later resulted in an interview for a job that I would never have known about or had a chance to get otherwise. God was showing me that my career is not dependent upon a perfect resume, or a job fair, or having the right mentor. Those things are good, but, ultimately, my life and future are in His secure care. HE is the way.

My anger has taught me some things. What lessons have your emotions taught you?

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