Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

Eight Ways Married Women Can Support Their Single Friends

on June 19, 2015

A week ago, I asked my Facebook friends for article suggestions. One recommended I share ways married women, like her, could support their single friends. It just so happens I created a list of do’s and don’ts for the married women in our lives not that long ago and put it in my book, Spinstered: Surviving Singleness After 40. This list shows up at the end of a chapter specifically geared toward the happily wed. Basically, it serves as a recap for the whole chapter, so if you want to find out more, follow the link to the book and snag yourself a copy.

This list shows up at the end of a chapter specifically geared toward the happily wed. Basically, it serves as a recap for the whole chapter, so if you want to find out more, follow the link to the book and snag yourself a copy.

Now, without further ado, here’s the list:

  • Don’t tiptoe around us like we’re fragile children. Treat us like adults who can figure things out and work through them. Singleness does not equal immaturity.
  • Don’t claim you know there’s someone out there for us. That leads to false hope. The only one who knows if that’s true is God.
  • Please don’t repeat clichés about singleness. We’ve heard them all and have already decided how we feel about each one.
  • Do let us be sad and offer us a comforting shoulder to cry on when we need it.
  • Do tell us about great single men you know. We realize it’s one of the best ways to meet new guys. Most of us are open to a set-up with a good man, but you need tell us ahead of time. Surprise blind dates are, more often than not, awkward for everyone. Just make sure—I implore you—that he is a good man.
  • Do encourage us to hope but not to obsess; help us through heartbreak and over bad days.
  • Do check up on us when we’re sick. Offering to pick up medicine or even a carton of orange juice would mean so much!
  • Do pray for us.

But why not do a little more? Take this suggestion, for instance, from writer Christena Cleveland (christenacleveland.com, “Singled Out: How Churches Can Embrace Unmarried Adults”):

If you get married and/or have a baby, Christians will pull out all the stops to celebrate you. That’s a good thing! But Christians should also recognize that many single adults never get celebrated with such fanfare. We might not be walking down the aisle or gestating a baby, but God is doing some amazing things in our lives—from the “monumental” (such as helping us obtain degrees, launch ministries/businesses, pay off college loans) to the “mundane” (such as helping us serve our neighborhoods, pray for each other).

We must celebrate what God’s doing in people’s lives, whether it’s similar to what God’s done in our own lives or not. So, find reasons to throw big parties for the single people in your community. And if you have the resources, feel free to buy them expensive gifts as well.

Book & Colorado 057

A few of my wonderful Colorado friends offering their support at a small book launch party last August. Not only have they stood by me through some tough times, but they continue to inspire me with their compassion and strength. I’ll let you guess which two are married. . . . 🙂

Single people use Kitchen Aid mixers too.

Married readers, have you ever considered hosting a shower like this? Single friends, do you have any other suggestions for this do’s and don’ts list?

Remember: we’re all in this together.

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