Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

Sometimes My Eyes Turn Green

on May 16, 2015

A while back I had a guy friend—an attractive and eminently eligible guy friend—that I was absolutely crazy about. One evening a bunch of us went to our local hangout. A new friend—a woman cool and full of peace—joined us. Fun! When she arrived and took off her coat everyone noted that she was wearing a low-cut, red dress that showcased her figure.

Because I was in the throes of a deep crush, I immediately gathered that she came to hang out with us, dressed to impress, because she was as interested in my crush as I was. I was flummoxed! All kinds of bad and fearful emotions started to work on me.

I had to pray when I got home. I needed to regain my equilibrium.

Eventually, our little group became less close. Neither red-dress woman nor I ended up dating the guy. I lost track of her. Recently, though, this woman and I bumped into each other again. We eagerly connected on Facebook.

Image courtesy of graur codrin/

Image courtesy of graur codrin/

Imagine my surprise to learn from one of her post’s references to herself, that red-dress woman is a lesbian! (Note: this is not a post about same-sex relationship issues).

I had to laugh at myself when I remembered how emotionally crazed I had been when I went home from hanging out with my friends that night way back, believing this woman and I were in an unspoken competition for the same man.

I find myself hardly any wiser these days, years since that incident occurred. When I am in deep crush, the slightest move that a woman makes toward “my” guy sparks something inside me that catches fire in my heart and spirals up like streams from a smoking inferno, all revolving around the questions of What are you doing here God? and What is he going to do here, God? Does he want me or her?

Jealousy. The green-eyed monster.

I have learned to stem my outward reactions as much as possible. But my inward reactions are another story entirely.

My strategy has become one of surrender. I surrender my questions and hopes to the Lord. I surrender the man to the other woman. Because ultimately, what I want is a man who is not confused or torn or conflicted about, or easily turned away from, his feelings for me. I want a man who desires to be with me, regardless of who else wants him. So as hard as it is, I surrender.

How do you manage jealousy?


2 responses to “Sometimes My Eyes Turn Green

  1. nosyjosie says:

    Yes indeed! I don’t want to desire anyone that is conflicted about whether or not they want me. I manage jealousy with total dismissal of the root. If I cant handle the situation, I remove myself from it.

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