Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

Lies We Tell Ourselves

on May 5, 2015

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Being single has struggles. Add to that being over forty and never married and things get complicated. Or maybe we make them complicated. But, Tammie, you’re thinking, why would I do that? I desire to be married, so why would I set up roadblocks?

I don’t know about you, put telling myself it’s hard to be single and over forty makes it easier for me. It’s not my fault. No, it’s because there are no good men my age. They’re all liars and cheats. Men my age want girls half my age.

Yep. Not my fault.

Truthfully, though, I know those lies are just that, lies. I can’t argue that there may be some men who are not good, lie and cheat, and want women half my age. I also can’t argue that this accounts for all of the single men in the world. I’ve said it before, I know some great guys in their 40s who are single. I still believe there is a mix of all of the above out there these days.

The thing is that if I chose not to believe the lies about men my age, then I have to stop and think about why I am still single. Is it because this is truly God’s plan for me? Or is it because I am consciously or subconsciously setting up roadblocks?

These are tough questions and sometimes when I’m brave, I venture into myself and search for answers. It’s a hard conversation to have with myself. I’ve done it and have identified some of the things I do that put up walls. There’s probably still more I can learn about myself. It’s a long road, but I can continue walking it, or I can continue telling myself lies about why I’m not married.

What about you?



4 responses to “Lies We Tell Ourselves

  1. Carole Brown says:

    Well said, Tammie! It’s hard to face up to the truth sometimes, if we even know what the truth is. Good post.

  2. nosyjosie says:

    I just turned 30 yesterday, and recently ended things with the guy that I was seeing. Both events made me reflect on my life and the “error of my ways.” I think its easier to make excuses for yourself because of the fact that you can justify your decisions better. You know your intentions, your history and your heart – so you can vouch for yourself. My opinion…even once I stop telling lies about why I’m single, I still am faced with the decision to change something about myself. I don’t know if I can or if I want to make changes…this is my struggle.

    • So true, Josie. Once we stop telling ourselves lies, we have to make the decision to change something about ourselves. That’s the hard. I face the same struggle.

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