Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women


on January 29, 2015
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/

Recently, I’ve come to understand something about myself and love. I have noticed I would rather wait for an ideal kind of love than to couple up with someone who doesn’t hold the key to unlocking the important doors inside my heart and mind. That’s true for most of us, I suppose.

What I have also noticed is that when I have met this kind of illusive key-master–and meeting such a man is rare indeed–and it has not worked out with him, I have been reluctant to let the relationship go.

I’m beginning to understand that I am wildly romantic at heart. I would rather cherish the memory of a could-have-been-epic love with a key-master type, than store his memory away, move on, and settle into a love that might be really nice, though it leaves securely locked some doors inside my mind and heart.

Unfortunately, understanding this wildly romantic part of myself is not the same thing as accepting this part of me.

Right now, there is a battle going on inside my soul over how I am going to approach love. Am I going to fight, fight, fight for the possibility of epic love (meaning fearlessly letting my love for my illusive key-master show, and hoping that eventually he has an Aha! moment and realizes that I am everything that he’s been looking for)? Or am I going to say goodbye to the possibility of epic-ness, and open myself to the possibility of simple pleasant togetherness (since there is no shortage of receptions, special events, restaurants and performances that I would be happy simply to have a suitable escort to)?

It is 2015. Twenty Fifteen. It is time for me to do something different. The trouble is I am not sure what “doing something different” means.

My inclination is to hold out for the epic love (of course). This way of approaching romance, though, has not resulted in the love life I desire. So it seems that doing something different means letting go and being open to pleasant togetherness instead of the epic. But. Would cutting my losses and moving on from a love that seems impossible really be doing something different, or would it be doing the same thing I have grown accustomed to doing? Is letting go just me continuing to guard my heart with the titanium shield of my will, so I don’t get really hurt?

What if doing something different meant fearlessly letting my love show and being truly, completely, frighteningly vulnerable?

That would be different. That could be painful.

Or it might be epic.


2 responses to “Epic

  1. Carole Brown says:

    Few people even recognize, let alone accept, what they need or want. Whatever decision you make, sounds like it will be a good one for YOU.

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