Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

on January 26, 2015
Image Courtesy: punsayaporn@freedigitalphotos.net

Image Courtesy: punsayaporn@freedigitalphotos.net

During a recent conversation among single friends, the conclusion was drawn that it’s almost impossible to meet a man the old-fashioned way. It was said that there are no good men in the churches anymore, and if we want to find a man, we will have to resort to online dating.

This conversation highlighted some frustrations I’ve been feeling, but not in the way most of the women in the group would say.

First off, I disagree that there are no good men in the churches. I happen to know several great single men in my own church. The fact that they aren’t the right man for me doesn’t change the fact they are single and available and will someday make someone an awesome husband. And if there are no good men in church, what are the men we might meet online doing for church?

Second, stating it this way puts all the blame on the men. I don’t think that is fair either. Surely we single women play a role in what is going on in the single world these days.

I don’t know what the answer is to my title question. I think each of us has a little different take on what is happening with the growing group of singles who are over 40. Having been in this demographic group for 10 years now, I know there doesn’t appear to be any easy solution.

A friend of mine has met a man in the last year and is very happy with the relationship. She has always been more active in dating than I have been. And, she offers wisdom that I find helpful. The other day she asked me if I was open to meeting someone.

Open to meeting someone? Of course, I am, I responded.

Then the little voice inside began to question whether I was or not. So I said to her, “I think I am open, but maybe I’m not.”

She wasn’t sure what to make of that statement, and so I tried to put it into a coherent thought for her. I say I’m open, but all the while there’s a part of me that wonders if that’s true.

Maybe I’m really not ready to give up a life that is fully my own. It’s possible I think I am open, but that I’m giving off vibes that say differently. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just that the right guy hasn’t come along. Who knows?

But all of this questioning and conversation hasn’t led to answers. Do I want to try online dating or do I want to trust the process and believe God will bring the right person at the right time? And better yet, are those two ideas completely separate from each other?

I would love to hear some other thoughts on this whole dilemma. Is online dating the only way to meet dating partners these days?

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2 responses to “Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

  1. Carole Brown says:

    Online dating–maybe, if you do a thorough research. Be careful. I believe there are good men there also, but don’t be afraid to hold onto YOUR standards of what you want. Sounds as if you have a firm grip on what’s important to you. Good. 🙂

  2. Your encouragement is nice to hear, Carole. I’ve definitely been struggling with making sure I’m doing what’s right for me.

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