Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

Weathering the Storm

on January 23, 2015
Cold Days by Maggie Smith

Image courtesy of Maggie Smith/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

It’s that time of year, when gloomy, cloudy, chilly days steal joy and, sometimes, lead to depression. Over the past few weeks, I’ve heard several friends mention how much they hate winter and how they see it as something to survive. They’d sleep through it if they could but, since they can’t, all they can do is dream of warmer days.

Lately, I’ve come to realize wintry weather and cloud-covered skies don’t bother me. Yes, I look forward to spring and I love sunlight. As soon as Daylight Saving Time hits, I’ll start longing for open windows and fresh breezes to clear out the stale, trapped air.

But I love good storms too. There’s something cozy and homey about rainy or snowy days that appeals to me. I kind of like being able to blame the weather for my decision not to go somewhere.

So, I know how I feel about the weather and the seasons. I know my favorite month is October while the hot, humid days of August make it one to dread. January, too, is a rough month — it’s the furthest from Christmas and often seems sad and dreary after the wonder of the holiday season.

My singleness, however, is another matter. In many ways I feel I’ve closed a door on my emotions where that subject is concerned. I’ve trained myself not to feel. At least, not to feel anything too strong. I especially make regular choices to ignore any feelings of loneliness. Every once in a while, as I crawl into bed at night, I wonder why I still live by myself, and if it will always be this way. A wave of grief hits me, then I push the question aside.

There is no answer so why weep into my pillow? I’ll sleep now and deal with this tomorrow.

Tomorrow, of course, never comes.

In my novel, Spinstered, Catie states, “I am more single today than I’ve ever been.” I wrote that line over two years ago … and it seems just as true now. Except now I can shrug as I say it. Well, it is what it is.

I don’t know that this is better, but I do believe it’s all part of the process of singleness. And there is a light. It’s dim and distant but it’s coming my way. One cloudy day at a time.

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One response to “Weathering the Storm

  1. rebflections says:

    Hang in there Sharyn! I know how it feels. 47 and still as single as I was before.
    It’s not about us though, because singles are normal people.
    It’s about timing, and that we can still be loved and love and enjoy life anyway.
    I have my own share of stories to tell, and some of yours resonate with me.
    Older singles have a lot of “feelings” and yes, we often, just have to deaden them to not be overwhelmed, but know that Jesus holds every tear in His heart and holds us in His arms. Always.

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