Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

What’s Wrong With Me?

on October 23, 2014
Image courtesy of digital art/freedigitalphotos.net

Image courtesy of digital art/freedigitalphotos.net

Recently, the article “I’m 45, Single and Childless. No, There’s Nothing ‘Wrong’ With Me” appeared in my Facebook newsfeed. In the article, the author discusses how, when dating, she often has to overcome men’s assumption that she has a hidden defect that has prevented her from getting married.

My Facebook comment to this article was that I often wonder myself if something is wrong with me, and if that something is what has prevented me from getting married. One of my friends kindly assured me that nothing was wrong with me.

I ruminated about this article for days after I read it. I thought if a man wants to believe that something is wrong with me, then he will, regardless of whether or not it’s true. And it isn’t true, I told myself. Like the author of the article said, nothing is wrong with me. Except, maybe, I am just a little bit afraid of rejection and so I don’t always let my love for a man show like some other women might. And maybe I do tend to hold onto relationships way beyond their expiration date and put blinders on as to other potential relationships. And, okay, it’s true that I do need help managing my finances and sticking to a budget. …

At this point it occurred to me that, as a matter of fact, there IS something wrong with me. Indeed, there are a lot of things wrong with me. I have issues. Big issues and little issues. My issues may not be as debilitating as some people’s, but they may be much more debilitating than some other’s. Something I may not even have a name for yet is wrong with me.

But something is wrong with all of us. Every one of us, especially we Christians, has weaknesses and frailties. This is a feature of our humanity. We are creatures, not the Creator. We have been created with limitations and vulnerabilities.

So if someone wants to know why I am 44 (or whatever age), single and childless, I do not want my answer to include that nothing is wrong with me. Instead I would want to say something like this: “Yes, there are some things in my life that have been problems in the past. God is revealing these things to me and is helping me to work on them. These things likely played a role in my not being married. But I have hope! By the grace of God, I believe that I will yet meet the right man for me at the right time and I will be married.”

I would hope that such an exchange would catapult me and a potential partner past the myth of finding perfection in a mate, and onto the path of genuinely hearing and knowing one another’s unique journey toward becoming the people that we can each become.

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