Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

Breaking Up with a Friend

on August 21, 2014

 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/freedigitalphotos.net

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/freedigitalphotos.net

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that I needed to break up with a strictly platonic guy friend, LW. The trouble was that the boundaries of our friendship had become blurred. Three or four years ago we were dating. After many months, the relationship seemed to stall. So I asked what his thoughts were about where the relationship was headed. He responded that God had revealed to him that I was not to be his wife. I ended our relationship almost immediately after.

Several months later, he called, I answered, and, because I was in the throes of a brand new infatuation, I felt perfectly comfortable agreeing to a strictly platonic friendship with him. Thus, we became close friends.

The problem is that the friendship became murky. I began to feel like he was relying on me emotionally in a way that a man might rely upon his significant other. Not good. But because he was there for me when I needed to talk, or needed support or companionship, I found it easy to overlook the breached boundaries.

This summer, though, while I was away in a new environment, encountering a different self than I had ever really known, what had previously been acceptable in our friendship became unacceptable. It did not seem good to me to be the person with whom he shared the issues of his heart, when I was never going to be his significant other. It did not seem good to me that I found myself relying upon his friendship to ease my heart during periods when I felt lonely or afraid.

I did not want my primary relationship with a man to be that of platonic best friend. I want to be a wife.

Thus, by God’s grace, soon after arriving back in the States I found the courage to say good-bye to a relationship that no longer fit.

Breaking up with LW feels like quitting a job that is the wrong job without having another job lined up.  It is a good thing to move out of a bad thing.  But it is not  comfortable.

Have you ever been here?

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One response to “Breaking Up with a Friend

  1. Carole Brown says:

    It’s never easy to move on in a relationship, whether it’s romantic or friendship or family, but seems you made the right choice for you. I always find it hard to do this and avoid it by having as little contact as possible. Not the best way, probably, but then that’s me. Good post!

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