Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

Risky Business

on July 9, 2014

This weekend I went to see the movie “Hateship Loveship.” The storyline revolves around a perpetually single woman who takes a great risk for a chance at love.

While I was watching this movie’s poignant and dead-on accurate depiction of the lonliness and longing of the long-single woman, I found myself closing my eyes and covering my ears because the realistic portrayal of the life of the heroine was too much for me to bear. I didn’t want to watch, even as I couldn’t look away.

This movie made me think about the risks we perpetually single take, or don’t take, for love.

Sometimes it feels like the message I am getting is that making a fuss over love is mildly juvenile. Marriage is hard work. Romance wears off, an in the long term love barely exists. Singles are just as well-off as those who are coupled. Enjoy singleness! Be Content! Maximize your singlehood for the Kingdom! These are the messages of wisdom and maturity that I hear.

The dream of love between a man and a woman, a perpetually single woman like me, becomes akin to dreams of fairy dust and flying horses. It’s just not real. And if it’s not real, if it’s only so much fantasy and illusion, then certainly it is not sensible–one might even regard it as foolish–to take risks for love. Why risk oursleves financially, or emotionally, or physically on something so whimsical, so ephemeral, so unrealistic?

I wonder, though, if we can’t risk ourselves for love, then what on earth could be worth taking a risk on?

In spite of divorce statistics, of the culture we live in of casual hook-ups, and of the grim prognostications of unhappy spouses, in my heart of hearts I believe that love between a man and a woman is a magical thing. The love that comes home every day, that is considerate, or at least tries to be, that sees the other person for who they are and loves them anyway, this love works magical wonders in the people in the marriage, and also in the people who bear witness to the marriage.

What’s more, I think the enemy knows this as well.

I think not taking risks for love, is to close ourselves off from a realm of magical possibility. Or in more familiar language, to risk ourselves for the possiblity of loving a man is to live by faith and to make ourselves available to receive abundantly from God.

Knowing this as I do, I ask you, why does fear nevertheless hold me fast in its grip, and how can I break free? How do I say what I need to say? How do I let a man past my outer facade and welcome him to see me as I really am?

What risks have I really taken lately for love?

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2 responses to “Risky Business

  1. Carole Brown says:

    Keeping a marriage after the fairy tale romance has warn off is hard work. The couples that stay together have to work at it; have to do a lot of sacrificing to each other; have to do a lot of forgiving, learning, growing. I always tell young people if you can’t do that, think twice before making the commitment. Scarey business, making the decision, hoping for the right person. I thought your post poignant and revealing. Great job.

    • aleaseb says:

      Thank you so much Carole. I really appreciate your thoughts and comments. I agree wholeheartedly with you that marriage takes sacrificial love to be successful. And that kind of love makes not just a successful marriage, but a successful life. I think marriage is one of those vehicles that God uses to help us to learn lessons of selflessness make us more like Jesus. So even if people aren’t ready to learn to give themselves away in marriage, they will, if they are seeking to grow in the Lord, ultimately have to learn to give selflessly through a different relationship.

      Once again you’ve given me something to think about for a future blog post! Thanks!!

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