Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

Am I Good Enough?

on May 30, 2014
Holy Moly

Photo courtesy of Susan Jarvis/Waterkopf Photography

Several years ago, my sister needed religious-themed stock photos and I posed as a nun. Yes, that’s me in the picture. No, I have no plans to take the vows. I’m not even Catholic.

Still, other than my perpetual singleness, I’m hardly good nun material. In fact, I’ve felt quite inadequate in many ways over the last few years. In 2010 I lost a job to cutbacks — for the second time in less than a decade. My desire to be a novelist has been full of near-constant self-doubt and disappointment. And, as a still-single woman of 50, how could I not feel rejected by men?

Of course, every time I’m hit by another failure, I hear the voices: No one wants you. You can’t do it. You’re not good enough. I know these words are from the enemy, yet they ring so true and hurt so much. As Vivian said in Pretty Woman: “The bad stuff is easier to believe.”

So, for our peace of mind — and sheer sanity, for heaven’s sake — we need to push aside the negative thoughts and not only find our way back to good enough, but to who we truly are in Christ.

You Are Chosen

I love that moment in romantic movies when the man lets the woman know she’s the one, the only one for him. Often he risks all, even his life, to rescue her from her mortal enemy. Like Kevin Costner’s Robin in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves — beating down doors, smashing through windows, and going sword to sword with the evil Sheriff of Nottingham in a fight to save Maid Marion.

And he wins.

“You came for me. You’re alive,” she cries, rushing into his arms.

He replies, “I would die for you.”

Remind you of anyone in particular? Someone who died for you but is alive and will always come for you? No wonder women love scenes like this in movies. They speak to the soul of our relationship with God. “You are the one,” He says. “I choose you.”

Scripture tells us, “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy” (1 Peter 2:9–10).

So we are chosen, but for a purpose: to proclaim the Good News to those who are still in darkness. In our despair He came to us, held out a hand and said, “I have so much more for you.” And, being the cynical, flawed creatures we are, we ask, “Why me?”

You Are Delightful

Before he risks life and limb, though, the Hero falls for the girl. Do you think Robin would have gone to such extremes for just anyone?

His friend asks, “Is she worth it?”

Robin nods. “Worth dying for.”

How we long to be that girl. But so many things in this world crush our spirits, making us feel inadequate, unwanted and stupid. And how do we react? We let ourselves fall into the role of supportive friend or trusted servant, instead of stepping forward as the leading lady. The world tells us we’re not special and, sadly, we start to believe it.

That’s not how God sees us. He considers each of us worth dying for. In Psalm 18:19, King David wrote, “He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me.” God broke down the walls, slew the enemy and offered up His life to set you free. Take that, Robin of the Hood!

Still, it’s hard to see our own delightfulness with so many flaws in the way — seemingly compelling proof we’re not that great. But isn’t that the point? Doesn’t God have a knack for accomplishing great things despite — sometimes even through — our inadequacies and failures?

As a matter of fact, yes . . .

You Are Flawed

It’s good to remember just how much we don’t deserve the grace and beauty He bestows on us. You are not perfect. And that’s a good thing. Sit back, leave the dishes in the sink, and take that in. Relax into it. You are not perfect . . . but He adores you and chose you anyway.

“For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things that are mighty” (1 Cor. 1:26–27).

Not wise, not mighty, not noble, but foolish and weak. It’s not flattering but that’s all right too. This reminds us it’s not about you or me. It’s about Him. Our failures and imperfections flash a neon marquee announcing God’s greatness. You know how a mother sees the beauty of her child even when others cannot? And how she’s the only one allowed to say anything about her child’s shortcomings? I think it’s like that. God as our Creator can see and acknowledge our imperfections, but heaven help those who dare impugn His beloved. Weak, ugly and fragile, we find shelter under His wings.

You Are Not Trusting

I know your doubts because you, like me, are sitting there mumbling, “Well, sure that all sounds nice and sweet and very Disney-like . . . for everyone else. But God isn’t going to crash through a window for me.”

We can all fall into pity party mode. After all, haven’t years of canceled dreams and disappointed hopes made our negative attitude not only reasonable but logical?

Absolutely. Everything that seemed so possible for me twenty, thirty, even forty years ago while I gazed ideologically through the sunshine-colored glasses of a youthful heart looks a bit murky and gray and kind of pathetic now. Why? Because I moved from trusting in dreams of a bright future to not trusting in anything. Including God.

It’s all a tactic of the enemy, castrating us at the very essence of who we are in Christ and moving us back into the mindset of believing the worst.

And that’s when we must return to our King, our Prince, the One who chose to rescue us against all odds, the One who battles daily to defeat our doubts and fears and insecurities, the One who brings us into His perfect freedom.

Why? Because, as mentioned earlier, we are chosen and loved.

The world will continue to tell you you’re not good enough, pointing out your flaws and ignoring all the wonderful attributes that make you unique. God sees all those things and, despite your faults and shortcomings, says you are more than good enough.

You are His.

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2 responses to “Am I Good Enough?

  1. Carole Brown says:

    Very good, Sharyn! You are GOOD ENOUGH! Great post.

  2. sharynkopf says:

    Thanks, Carole! So are you! 🙂

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