Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

He’s Gonna Pay

on March 6, 2014
Man with Credit Card

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I have a guy friend who challenges me, in a friendly way, about the choices I make while dating. During my most recent cycle of dates, he quizzed me about who was paying, and made much of it when I replied that the man usually paid.

Lest you think I am trying to take advantage of these gentlemen, let me give a quick description of my typical online dating process:

1) I screen men on the phone. This allows me to avoid a meeting, if possible, so that if we are not going to be a potential match it won’t cost him any money to find this out.

2) If we like the sound of each other enough to make it through the phone screening, then my goal is to have an in-person meeting as soon as possible. No need to get attached to someone over the phone who won’t, in-person, excite me at all. I will usually suggest we meet for coffee. Not lunch, not drinks, not dinner. This meeting is meant to confirm–or not–that there is some possibility or potential for us getting together. If it turns out he’s not a fit, then it will only have cost him about $2 for my small hazelnut or sugar-free vanilla to find this out.

3) If there is a second date, then it’s likely to be a meal. I try to order something modest.

After date two, I go with the flow in terms of who pays for what, and try to be intentional about paying for some things.

I am absolutely not opposed to opening up my wallet every now and again when going on dates. But truthfully, if the guy doesn’t insist on paying on our first time out, I’m not much interested in going out a second time. It just seems right to me for the man to pay, especially on a first date. The kind of man I want to be in a relationship with wants to pay for my coffee on a first date. (Of course, I am still single, so take that with a grain of salt.)

So how about you?  Are you a “he pays,” “I pay” or a “go dutch” kind of woman? What do you think all of the fuss is about when it comes to deciding who pays?


4 responses to “He’s Gonna Pay

  1. Carole Brown says:

    You’ve got it right, Alease (at least, my opin!). Same standards and good ones.

  2. Patty says:

    Just discovered your blog! I’m 40 on the dot and recently began seriously dating someone. I have no problem with paying for things every once in a while, but he is very much the gentleman and a bit old fashioned I suppose and always insist on paying. I got a Cracker Barrel gift card for Christmas and had to insist he let me use it and pay when we went out once. It’s kind of nice=)

  3. aleaseb says:

    Patty it sounds to me like you’ve found a keeper! Lol. And I agree, it IS nice to be with an old-fashioned-gentlemanly type. 🙂 Thanks for the comment.

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