Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

For Everything There Is a Season, Isn’t There?

on February 20, 2014
daffodil-blooming-through-the-snow-100149378

Daffodil blooming through the snow

Lately, I have been dating. The men I’ve met, who are in their 40s, seem to be more than ready to commit and get married.

But being in a dating situation with a man who is willing and able to commit has presented me with a potential dilemma that I am profoundly shocked to be facing.

My potential dilemma is this: Though autumn is where the calendar tells me I should be, I feel as if I’m just beginning to enter the summer season of my life. I’m making career- and education-related plans that could entail a move north, south, east or west. I could end up near, far or somewhere in-between from where I am beginning. The array of possibilities before me are positively thrilling; the stuff of dreams. But it is the stuff of the dreams of a single woman.

If I get married to a man who has settled down right here in this place where we live, doesn’t that mean I will be settling down right here in this place as well? And doesn’t that mean my thrilling array of possibilities will cease to be viable options? Does being a “we” mean I have to comprise on “me” stuff? And am I willing to make these kinds of compromises if it does?

It is shocking to me that after so much time, prayer and yearning, there is an actual question in my mind as to whether or not I really want to be a married woman. I want to have a man in my life. But I also want to have my life with a man in it. I don’t know if it’s possible to have it both ways and, if it’s not possible, I do not know which way I would rather have it.

The seasons of my life, it seems, have gone rogue. Ordinarily, a woman might decide to forgo her dreams for a season so she can marry and have a family. When she reaches my age and enters a different season, she might then pursue the dreams she once set aside. Or a woman could forgo having a family–and perhaps even marriage–for a season while she pursues her dreams. When she hits my age and starts a new season, she then can work on building the family she desires.

But what if one season of life passes with neither a dream nor a family having been realized? What is the next season of life meant to bring? Is it too late for either dreams or family building? Or is there ample room for both?

Are the seasons of older single women’s lives different from those of married women? What have your seasons looked like?

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6 responses to “For Everything There Is a Season, Isn’t There?

  1. seattlegraphix says:

    Interesting read. I’ve been juggling similar thoughts lately myself. But then again, I’ve been married. I’ve had children. For me, I now question whether marriage and the traditional things we as women are supposed to “check off our list” are things I even want. I think though, there should be ample room for both. When you find that special person who you can’t live without, and they feel the same – then there should be room for you to explore and live your dreams without compromising what you have with that person. They should push you to fly higher and accomplish those dreams. Even when they can’t actively help…just cheerlead.

    • aleaseb says:

      Thanks for your comment EFW! I believe the kind of relationship you describe is possible. I pray that is exactly what my future holds in store. If all our relationships were like that, what a wonderful season every season would be.

  2. Jennifer says:

    I wonder the same thing…I have a fantastic job with unlimited opportunities. I’m not sure if there is room for a man in that world. I’ve worked hard and long to get to this point. And I’m finding I’m much more selective in what I want in a mate. I’ve been alone for so long and have learned a certain way of life. I’m more content than ever. So to give that up, is difficult to imagine. And I struggle to find men my age to date. Even men that are older than me, want a much younger girl. I’m glad you are at least finding opportunities to date! I’m a tiny but envious:) But blessings to you on this journey! And thanks for being honest and transparent! It’s good to know I’m not the only one with these doubts!

    • aleaseb says:

      Thanks Jennifer for your comment! It’s good to know that I am not alone in feeling like this as well. :-). And the secret to my meeting men can be summed up in two words: online dating. Lol. Blessings to you.

  3. sharynkopf says:

    Leasey, a few weeks ago I was having lunch with friends and, at one point, we were talking about something coming up next year. I made a comment about not wanting to plan that far ahead and someone said, “Yeah, you might be married by then.”

    For the first time in my life, I wasn’t sure if that’s what I want. With two books coming out soon about being single, I feel God calling me to minister to other single women. Things are heading in that direction now and it seems like a man would just get in the way.

    Still, I wouldn’t be against God bringing someone special into my life. It all comes down to what will most bring glory to God. I’ll leave it in His hands!

    • aleaseb says:

      Amen, Sharyn! That’s where I land as well–trusting the Lord. But it IS weird to realize that today’s ideal life might not include marriage. God is working it seems.

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