Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

Mr. Perfect?

on January 23, 2014

couple-in-love-having-break-up-10074157Years ago I made my first foray into the world of online dating by joining eHarmony. After a few non-starters, I met Raphael.

Raphael was a Christian, handsome and intelligent, well-traveled, a great conversationalist and bitingly funny. I began to spell perfect, R-A-P-H-A-E-L. As this new relationship unfolded online, I prayed, asking God to firmly shut the door if this guy was not the right one for me. But the door didn’t close. In fact, just when I was starting to get really into him and needed God to confirm or deny that he was “the one,” Raphael relocated. Instead of being eight hours away from me he was only one and a half! God was clearly working something out, I thought gleefully.

Raphael and I talked, emailed and texted—even when he went on vacation to Europe. I told myself constantly to curb my enthusiasm. He had to be the one initiating contact with me, not vice versa. When I would call him and get his voicemail, the hours or days until he called me back were grueling. When I returned an email of his, and a day–or two or three–passed before he got back to me, it was wrenching!

But then I’d hear from him and it was like Christmas. Finally, after about six to eight weeks of getting to know one another, Raphael was ready for us to meet. I was so excited!

Well, we met. And it turns out that I did not suit his fancy after all. He liked exotic looking women, he explained. Like Black, Thai, Italian mixed-race looking women–who were model thin.

I was crushed. Why had he even contacted me? I’m regular looking, not exotic! Not skinny! I was upset with him and I was upset with God. Hadn’t I prayed? Why did God let my heart get so involved when I asked Him to shut it down from the very beginning if Raphael wasn’t “the one?” I went into my protective shell and refused to come out to meet anyone else.

Until cute Christopher, who had been married/separated three years prior, called. He was now divorced. We started going out. Christopher called me multiple times a day, and returned my calls immediately. He would not let a day go by without reaching out to me. Christopher picked me up, from 45-minutes away, when we went out. He met me for lunch. He cooked for me. He called me beautiful and made me feel valued and wanted.

And I got the lesson. It was as if the Lord was saying, “Leasey, this is what good love feels like. I wanted you to know the difference between this and what you were willing to settle for in Raphael (waiting anxiously, having low priority, feeling plain). That is not the kind of love that I have in store for you.” Oh, how I love Jesus!

What love lessons has our heavenly Father been teaching you in your singleness?

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2 responses to “Mr. Perfect?

  1. Jennifer Ewing says:

    Wow! This spoke volumes to me! I am going through a similar situation. THANK YOU!! I need to put my faith and trust in God…let him be in the drivers seat…not me!

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