Girls Night In

the blog for single, over-40 women

Hope Dreams

on January 17, 2014

August 2012 023

I stood in my friend’s kitchen, watching her stir spaghetti sauce, trying not to cry. The man I’d fallen for wasn’t interested. It was over and my singleness stretched before me like a desert highway.

The first time I met him, I stumbled into a crush like a high schooler. We sat in a circle on a carpeted basement floor with about 20 other singles, playing Catch Phrase, and he made me laugh. And if there’s one thing I find irresistible, it’s a man with a killer sense of humor.

Over the next few years we became friends and, for a moment, I thought we were moving toward something more. We flirted like teenagers, laughed at inside jokes, winked and smiled and I touched his arm every chance I got. Then, just like that, it was over. He wasn’t into me and I was trapped in the emptiness.

“Why?” I asked my friend. “Why can’t I move past this?”

She tilted her head, studying me, as if she wasn’t sure how much I could handle. “You’re grieving something you’ve lost, Sharyn. It’s OK to be sad.”

Isn’t it funny how one moment can change how you look at your life? Well, maybe not ha-ha funny but making-sense-of-the-ridiculous funny. In that one comment, I realized I wasn’t just grieving the end of a relationship I now know never would have worked out, I was grieving the loss of my dreams for marriage and a family of my own.

That was the beginning of my journey through grief. Soon after, I started chronicling the pain, slogging my way back toward hope. Words turned into pages that turned into chapters and, eventually, a book was born. It was, I’ve told anyone who asks, cathartic.

Being single over 40 buckles us into a rollercoaster of emotions. High on hope one minute, trudging through despair the next, we become real-life Annes of Green Gables:

“My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes.”


“Dear old world,” she murmured, “you are very lovely,
and I am glad to be alive in you.”

I don’t know where you are on your solo rollercoaster ride, but I encourage you to face your feelings. Write them down. It really is OK to be sad. Don’t live in your sorrow, though. In 1 Thessalonians, Paul exhorts believers not to grieve like those who have no hope. He’s talking about physical death there; I’m talking about the death of your dreams.  

By living in God’s truth, we can find our way toward hope, even in the midst of heartache.

Have you ever felt grief over your singleness? If yes, how did you deal with it? How has God whispered hope into your life?


2 responses to “Hope Dreams

  1. Jackie M. Johnson says:

    Good post. I’m trusting God along with you! 🙂

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